Happy New Year!  Now Put That Down!



Comedian Louie Anderson answers the question: What made you laugh in 2015?

A. I made myself laugh the most this year thinking I was so smart or right about something. I can’t tell you how many times I searched for my glasses only to discover them right on my face, or thinking I’ve lost my iPhone or someone has stolen it only to discover that I was sitting on it or it was right there in my hand. Not to mention the keys in my hand, in the door lock or in the ignition of my car. “As plain as the nose on my face,” I can hear my mom say.

Parents, can you relate? I know I find myself laughing about this often. The thing that strikes me most lately is that I am holding something, totally unaware, while I’m holding six other things, and suddenly I’m spilling or making a mess because I failed to put something down.

So in the New Year, let’s all watch how much we’re holding at once.  When we are bombarded from all sides by children’s requests, paying  bills, doing laundry, buying food, making meals, going to the doctor, helping with homework, taking care of pets, cleaning the house (ha!) and attending to the needs of our work, ourselves and our mates, maybe we should think about putting something down, just for the moment.  “Present Moment Parenting”, we call it.  It involves taking something up, yes, but also putting something down.  Maybe putting several things down.

I’m not just talking just about physical “things” or tasks here, but also thoughts, distractions, and mind-wanderings.  Children sense when parents are not present, and they tend to exploit the situation, as you are well aware. They also learn distraction from us.  So if you’ve been complaining about your child not being able to focus, try taking a quick inventory of the times he or she has seen you in a distracted state (using the tablet, phone, or computer.) Maybe you’ll see where distraction is being reinforced.  And if you feel as if your child is demanding, again, take a look at how you interact with her, just to check whether she’s learning a demanding, hurry-up, right-now sense of urgency from you.

This sense of urgency seems SO necessary in today’s world, but it’s time to rein it in for our mental and physical well-being. We actually can slow our thoughts down to a normal speed, even though it doesn’t seem so. Consider this: at the end of the day, will it matter if you’ve had the average 50,000 thoughts or 20,000?  Who will be counting?  And what will you gain if you slow the thoughts down?  Perhaps a bit of peace of mind, perhaps a slower, more connected relationship with your child or partner.  Perhaps mindfulness and fewer health concerns.

I think yoga has enjoyed such popularity in the US and beyond in recent years because as humans, we realize the need to slow down is coming from our inner core. With all that goes on with a busy family, it’s very easy to get caught up in quick, impersonal, even commanding interactions that erode our sense of peace.  Let’s learn to listen to our inner voices and say no to the constant “hurry up” of modern life.  When we do, we give our children an enormous gift, for this present moment and beyond.

Happy New Year from all of us at the Center for the Challenging Child.
Tina

If you’d like help with this or any other parenting issue, please visit www.parentingmojo.com/parent-coaching for the answers to most of your questions.  Have more questions?  Email tina@parentingmojo.com.

 

 

 

 

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